rite of passage...

is there anything more wonderful than watching your little one experience something new? the squeals of joy that are the only way he can express his excitement.

and when something is truly, entirely delightful, the only adequate way to express himself is to run in circles, beating his stomach.

truly, is there anything better? I say there is not.

box it up.

We sat Jasper this box yesterday in hopes that it might keep him contained long enough for us to get some cleaning don.   

He loved it. My child, that never sits still, sat in that box and played with his little toys. 

There must be something to the saying that kids will love the box their toys came in more than the toy itself. I  never would have thought of using a box as a photo prop, but he was just being so adorable, I had to grab the camera and snap a few pictures. I can't get over how creamy and delicious they turned out. 

Love this little crazy guy. 

discovering...

{now that is a face of determination}

Grass. It's the bees knees.

Hope you all are enjoying the warm weather as much as this guy.

nap fail.

Remember this post i wrote a while back about watching the little guy sleep?

Well this is what the opposite looks like.

And then he spots you. And you know the game is really up.

This kid. It's dangerous I tell you. He could make us do anything.

mothers

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day this weekend, regardless of your state in life. I think it is sad when people think that you have to be a mother to celebrate this wonderful day. To me, it is more of a celebration of the women in our life, and those innate qualities that make women unique and special, regardless of the roles they hold.

Something else that was on my mind a lot, was how much I appreciated my own mother's example to me in the way that she treated me. I think too often, parents can slip into the mistake of viewing their children almost as a possession, or with an inappropriate sense of ownership. Not that I don't understand where those feelings come from, but I think it can often lead to a lot of unhappiness and disappointment for both parents and children.

My mother always made a point of emphasizing her responsibility and stewardship to me as my mother instead of claiming me and all I did as a direct extension of herself. She respected my individuality and the uniqueness of my spirit, and always stressed how blessed she was to have the opportunity to associate with such wonderful children.

I will be eternally grateful to her for this amazing insight. I wanted to become the best I could be, because she saw me as someone capable of doing so and equal to herself in every way. I hope I can do the same not only for my children, but for everyone whom I have the opportunity to influence.

"The Club".

Sneak peek from my favorite pregnancy outfit thus far. More to come later :)

So. For clarification's sake, even though we just kind of announced it, I will actually be 6 months pregnant on Sunday. We've taken some pictures over the last few months (I will be sharing some btw), but I've felt too weird to make them public. We actually haven't even really formally announced that we are expecting.

So why the radio silence, you may ask? This is suppose to be a good thing right?

And yes it is. Now on to the verbal montage:

Most who know me well, will know that since I was a teenager, I've known that it would be very, very hard for me to have kids.  Most of the time I have been told that if I was able to get pregnant, it would most likely end in miscarriage.

Infertility is something I have dealt with most of my adult life. And I've been fine with it.

For me, adoption has always been, and still is in my mind just as special a way to bring children into your home as having them yourself, so I always knew, that one way or another, there would be children in my life, and my job was to have faith and know that everything would come in the Lord's time.

Not to say that I haven't still had my struggles with it. To this day, even being pregnant, it still irks me to no end when people try to plan out every aspect of when and how they are going to have children, what is going to be like, and exactly what they are going to do. The idea that they can try to control something so uncontrollable instead of accepting and finding satisfaction as they move through what comes is still something I am working on.

Also, after five years of marriage, living in a culture where bearing children is not just encouraged, but expected, I've had my fair share of people comment, "Oh, five years? And you don't have any children?" To which I respond, that we struggle with fertility issues and watch with a sort of morbid satisfaction as their face drains of all color and they stammer an embarrassed apology. I mean really people, when can you ever expect a good response from that comment? "I struggle with infertility. I hate my spouse. I hate children. Yeah, you know I really would like my husband to kick his gambling addiction before we started a family." Seriously.

Anyway, regardless of how you feel about it, when you struggle with infertility, you automatically become part of "The Club". And a very valuable, needed, and personal Club it is too. But honestly, it is a club that no one really wants to be a part of. You are there because some set of circumstances has made it impossible for you to live the life you always expected.

I've been uniquely equipped to handle being a part of the "The Club" and offer comfort and support because I've known and planned on infertility being a struggle for so long. But, because it is a club of necessity, and not a club of choice, it is always hard to see someone else leave. While you are so happy for them and the wonderful things happening in their lives, it breaks your heart all over again that they are moving on to the "Parent Club" while you are still stuck.

So. This pregnancy has been an interesting transition for me. I know and love so many women and friends who struggle with infertility, and a part of me feels guilty for moving out of the club on them. I know their struggles and their pain and disappointment, and my heart will always go out to anyone struggling with infertility.

What I have found to be the common denominator no matter what circumstance you are in though, is faith. Faith that a Father in Heaven loves you and wants you to be happy, and will fill our lives with the things that we need to find true joy when we are humble enough to open our hearts and mind to His will. It won't always be what we think we need, but it will always be what we need.

Even now, with such a blessing on the way, we have a whole new host of challenges and struggles to deal with. We've thought for so long that it would be a long while before we could afford to adopt, so in a lot of ways, we aren't really ready for the change in plans.

But my friends, that is a conversation for another day.

I hope if you struggle with infertility, my thoughts can bring you some peace, and if you don't, that they may bring you some much needed insight into a world of many, many amazing women.

little happenings...

while on my internet sabbatical...

We made smores over the stove top. Pretty much every day till the chocolate ran out. 

Justin got a new watch! (you should be impressed. This is a $495 redline watch
I nabbed for $50 from the eBay fashion vault. Keep your eyes out for sales there!)

AND finally after 4 years of not having one, a new wedding ring too.

though he kept seeming to disappear into an enormous stack of anatomy books.  

So we took a break down to Mexico. Where I got a kidney infection...

and Justin taught me the art of kite flying.

and where we fed a sea turtle.

and a very sad sea lion.

We got colored (much to my shagrin, though I admit, I know I got off VERY easy).

AND got some wonderful, miraculous and slightly terrifying news
(there will be much more on this later. I promise)

back from the proverbial dead.

Sitting on my couch this morning, eating strawberries, with the beautiful spring sunshine beaming in through the cracks in my blinds, I had a sudden desire to write something.

It has been an interesting and difficult few months. I haven't felt much like writing, and when I have, it has felt false and too contrived, and yet in the back of my mind, I've felt guilty for feeling that way. I have such an abundant life. So many blessings and joys surround me daily. The fact that I felt overwhelmed by it all, only made me feel even worse.

I've tried to keep the things I say on my blog a cheerful reflection of the slightly inconsequential happenings in my life. The idea of talking about deeper, more private thoughts and feelings has always rankled me a bit, the idea alone making me feel uncomfortable. It always seemed foolish to me to put my thoughts and feelings out there where the world could see and perhaps mock or make light; yet the idea of trying to portray or personify anyone other than myself was just as off-putting.

The result became, however unintentionally, a computer hiatus that started as just a week, and stretched into more than three months. I had to make peace with my life, and re-evaluate the way I was engaging with the technological world. I realized that too often, I was allowing myself to drift into the realm of the fluffly, fake, and meaningless. I am an inherently happy and optimistic person, but even so, I found that my words and interactions were becoming less of a joy and release, and more of a calculated, formulaic chore.

So I waited. Waited for the time when I would be moved by a desire to write instead of a feeling of guilt.

I think the reassessment did me a lot of good. I want my interactions, both on and off the web to be more meaningful. I want them to be a reflection of a real effort to understand, love, and build relationships with others. I think I too often allow myself to get wrapped up in my own thoughts and my own mess, when what I really need most is to submerge myself in a love for others.

So I am back. I hope my musing here will be more meaningful and genuine from here out. I'm not saying I'll lay out all my problems for the world to see, but I like to think I have thoughts, experiences and feelings that can lift or help someone else.

So hello again. I'm back. And we have A LOT to catch up on. And that is the genuine truth.

happy Christmas everyone.

pin

I am so excited. Justin and I will be heading down to Texas in just a couple of days. 

So tonight we had a little mini Christmas celebration. We made yummy treats, opened a present, read the real Christmas story (Luke 2) and watched some of the new Bible videos produced by the LDS Church. 

I'm amazed with how they have put them together. I would never have thought they were shot in Utah. They really do look like you are in the Holy Land. You can check them out here. 

Merry Christmas everyone. :)

-Heather

I just HAD to...

Share this amazing illustration my best friend Simini did of me. I can't even begin to tell you how giddy and flattered this made me feel. I really do have the best bestie in the world. She is so talented. And I get to just bask in the glory of her talent.

And she knows me so well. She picked one of my favorite outfits of all time. Remember this? But I love that she made me look 1000 times better and more magical! That is my favorite type of art, something that goes beyond reality, and tells a story that a picture never could!

Thanks Sim! You are my favorite!

ps. you can visit Simini's blog here or email her at siminib@gmail.com if you want her to do something custom for you!

time.

Its been an interesting few days/weeks/months/years. But today, this is how I am feeling.

 

More thoughts to follow. For now, bask in the goodness of this song. I've seriously listened to it like four times in a row. 

"Let's make this happen, girl you gonna show the world that something good can work and it can work for you.
And you know that it will."

-Heather

ps. nice live version here too. 

hello ladies...

Top: Anthropologie via the lookbok / Vest: Anthropologie via eBay /
Jeans via Ideeli / Express leather belt

I can't even read that phrase without thinking of the old spice commercials. 

I hope you have  all been having a lovely week. Justin and I went up to Wyoming this weekend to watch General Conference with my in-laws. 

It. was. lovely. 

Like many out there, I really loved this talk by Elder Uchtdorf given to the women of our church, and this one, also by Elder Uchtdorf in the general session. 

More than anything, I appreciate how conference helps me to re-prioritize my life and give me the motivation and direction to work to become the person I want to be. I'm so grateful to have it twice a year. 

-Heather

I like me.

Some of you may have read in the past my "I'm a natural beauty" posts. I've decided to make a shift in the cause, to make it a more clear and direct message about promoting healthy self worth. I'm sorry if you were already on the "I'm a natural beauty" list, I hope you will all re-link here! These are my thoughts:

There are too many things in this world that bring people down: unrealistic beauty ideals and ridiculous comparisons; standards and molds that if you don't fit into, people look at you funny and wonder "what is wrong with you?"

This makes me sad.

 Regardless of weight, skin tone, age, or pay grade, you should love yourself for who you are, as you are.

So, by joining this list, you are committing to like yourself. Not just liking yourself, but celebrating yourself, your uniqueness, your difference,  your talents; you. You are committing to really appreciating yourself as you are and trying to avoid comparing yourself to anyone else.

Show your commitment and identify with the group by putting one of these little buttons on your blog sidebar, and  make a practice of writing and noticing things that you like about yourself, and why you like being you. Promote your own healthy self worth, and we can inspire others to do the same!

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i heart google.

Has anyone been to google.com today and pressed the play bar moonlighting as the second o? 

YOU MUST DO THIS RIGHT NOW. 

Seriously. 

Aside from the love that already abides in me because of this cartoon, today's tribute made me love them even more, stalkiness and all.

-Heather

happy labor day!

I thought I'd leave you with some pictures of my favorite places to spend holidays!

My grandparents' homes in Idaho, taken earlier this summer.

Have a lovely day! 

-Heather

ps. don't forget to check out new items at the shop! $2 off to anyone who entered the last giveaway!

This stuff has a shelf life of about 100 years. Seriously.  Slightly disturbing.

handsome daddy.

I love a small town parade. A very, small town. :)

I guess "peeping" is a family trait.

Skipping rocks.